As I ponder a great shifting deep within my being that has been under way the last several days that pulls at my heart with great intensity, I can only but rest in how expansive the grace of God is in my life.
This week I felt myself captured and enveloped in what feels like a gravity well of a mighty extensive river of His matchless magnificent love that simply reaches beyond what my mind can even comprehend.
It is a love that I cannot find words enough to express its endless capacity that just gives what I would say is infinite supply.
In my heart I feel as though no matter who I look at; wherever I am, that I can no longer hold feelings of regarding them as an enemy.
There is deep compelling call beckoning me to simply love them for where they are, as they are. I wonder sometimes where they are at and what story are they walking out in the moment and how can I meet them in some way at perhaps some of the crossroads in their life that may be challenging to them in the moment?
I am not dwelling as much on my own concerns any longer and that opens me up to find my heart opening toward their well being. I seem to find myself embracing a preference of “doing nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility counting others more significant than myself.’ (Philippians 2:3)
Most of my life I have longed for and sought to fill an empty place in my heart that could never be met. Until this week I seemed to often seek affirmation from others and desired that they would recognize me as significant to them and offer acknowledgement that I was bringing something to the table in my world that was valuable to them. I even at times had in some instances exaggerated some of my experiences in my conversations to seek their approval. I find myself now letting go of such mindsets and releasing them. The dull aching longing of an empty sense of loneliness has dissipated into like a vapor that has faded away. It has been replaced by a sense of fullness coming from my Lord and Savior Jesus as He seeks to hold my attention and draw me ever so near that therein is all I now need and I find it more than fulfilling. It is compelling and irresistible, a relationship like no other. Before this week that was something I had to work at in some instances and ended up being more of a mental generated effort. I lived too much in my head; but no longer.
My Jesus has changed all of that over the last several days and that is simply beyond amazing. His love is matchless, magnificent and He is so majestic in so many ways. He surprises me at many a turn and amazes me beyond degree. I awaken at moments in the night to simply embrace the very drawing of His presence.
There is something about saying His name repeatedly as I am captured in such moments. The name above all names, He is. Truly now I can say from the very depths of my being that “His banner over me is love” and this is more than the words because He truly prepares a table before me that is beyond any dining experience I have ever encountered. That my friends, is how we come to have no enemies in our life. It is a process that only the Master can do. I cannot conjure it up on my own.
I left everything at the cross this past week at His feet. I laid it all down without reservation and with no conditional degree. I gave it all to Him and let it go and now I am free. Yes, so free indeed. I have not arrived but I am moving toward Him continually. I came just as I was. Even though He initially redeemed my life from the pit of sin and shame back in 1978 I never truly knew Him to the extent that I know Him today. I used to “seek a certain way of feeling”; now I live in a sense of “being”. A constant continuity of what I brfore had to generate. Being pursued accentuates pursuit; amazing how that works!
I feel as though I am in need of nothing now because to me He is actualized as the source of all things and He is to me the Life Giver and with Him, in Him and through Him comes all things. This is my story and my song, which I sing all the day long and He dwells in the praises that to Him I bring. Talk about being reborn…again, my life is certainly on a new highway!